WARNING tears ahead …

This isn’t going to be one of my funny blogs #sorrynotsorry as I wanted to share with you all that sometimes the happy smiling funny person you think you know might actually be dealing with a lot more in the background but they choose not to share with others … #thatnotme

So some of you would be aware that I thought last year I had found a man that I thought could possibly be someone in my life for a very long time … unfortunately that didn’t happen due to not only my own issues but his as well … and look I am not one to place blame or guilt we are not perfect and I think once we start to realise that then we can let go of some of the issues we have with ourselves …

And even though my #2019 ended with a heavy heart that was filled with sadness from the lose of a relationship but it was also filled with hope and belief that #2020 was going to be a better year … Although if you ask a champagne drinker #2008 was a great year lol …

I started this year funny enough with seeing a psychologist on new years day I know right who the f%&K sees a psychologist on 1 January 2020 #seemsiwasnttheonlyperson lol … I guess the reason being is that I wanted to start this year on a positive note I wanted the negativity of last year to be gone … and so with that I had my first session and wow did I cry, I cried so much I that I thought I was going to fill up the swimming pool next door #mustremembertobuystocksinkleenex …. but it felt so good to get all this sadness out of me I guess for too long I was holding it back hiding it and it was slowly eating me away …

I walked out of that session feeling like I had some direction again in my life and that what I had been hiding and holding onto it was ok to let go and it was ok not to have to hide it anymore … then I started to read and I read all in one go #sadiknow Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection and I could relate so much to the book and how I viewed myself …

‘Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are’

That has really hit home for me and so with that I looked at who I was engaging with and who I wanted in my life and how I wanted to live my life because for too long I was living a life that everyone else wanted for me and was being made to feel guilty for not doing what others wanted of me … this is the year that I get to say NO instead of always thinking I have to say YES … if I want to spend my Friday night at home eating ice cream drinking champagne in my PJs while binge watching #shameless then the f#&k I will b@tch #megsisback …

So yes #2020 is going to be a wonderful year and yes I am sure there are still going to be days when I fall to my knees and want to cry but I think those days are going to be very limited this year … but I know that I have an amazing group of friends and my wonderful family that I am blessed to have … and yes I will be getting back onto the Champagne Dating #newappidea unless the man of my dreams comes out of my dreams and into my life so I look forward to bringing you all along on the journey as well as my everyday life …

On that note I better go and put a bottle of champagne into the Fridge to ensure that it will be cold enough for Champagne O’clock Thirsty Thursday …. M x

 

 

Oh look it is Thirsty Thursday ….

2964249C-CBC4-4FA2-9A1C-80D82F01D318

So on this Thursday morning I’m still in my pj’s and it is 8 am and do you really think that I give a f#$k … of course not because it is bloody cold outside for Queensland standards and if I can keep on wearing my Kmart flannelette pj’s for a little longer then shit yes I am … but I am going to be productive today like most working mums and I’m going to do a few online training sessions in my flannelette pj’s while I put on a few loads of washing #yesyoureadthatright …. It could be worse I could be in my active wear pretending that I’m actually being active or have been active …. #dontwishforthat

This week I’m surprised I have made it this far with some of the shit that has gone down with not only work but being a mum to two teenagers #helpmenow … I actually feel sorry for my own mum if I was ever as moody as my two are with me #sorrymumifyouarereadingthis … the back chatting the attitude in the voice and the care factor that gives me a run for my money #ithoughtiwasthequeenatnotcaring …. Not to mention the whinging over what are we having for dinner tonight and the usual reply once I tell them ‘oh really I don’t feel like that can we do takeaway instead’ …. No we can’t and while we are on this topic do you really think I feel like cooking when I can just open a bottle of champagne and consume my daily calories that way #donttellmypt oops ….

It doesn’t even stop there we have towels that seem to just fall on the ground after they have been hung up I swear mum #not …. And how long does it take to have a shower I mean by the time my two have finished having their showers I feel like I could of filled up a kids blow up swimming pool … actually maybe I should and then inform them that from now on we are only take baths outside in the cold …. I’m thinking that would encourage them to have a quick bath lol …

So this week like most weeks there is usually something that is thrown at me at the last minute and this week Miss S didn’t miss a beat when she informs me on Wednesday morning at 6.30 am that has her French play and that she will need to bring into school with her not only ice cream but French fries as their play is set in a restaurant #helpmeknow … so like any mother I know that MacDonald’s does some sort of all day menu so I drive down in my pjs #yesdontjudgeme to go through the drive thru and order a large family fries for this French play …. Next stop was the local IGA to send Miss S in to collect her ice cream that she needed for this play …. Let me just say when I got home from this quick dash to collect the above mentioned I was hoping that my cold coffee had turned into a nice cold glass of champagne … unfortunately the champagne fairies must have been still asleep at 7 am #dontblamethem ….

I did have a slight win this week though with Mr R although it did involve a slight bribe to get my somewhat small back yard mowed … well mowed isn’t the correct word I would use on the small patch of weeds and prickles that try to pretend that they are grass … so after asking not once or twice or three times but on the fourth try and a little money incentive Mr R agreed to get out my electric whipper snipper and spend the greatest of 3 mins to eliminate the weeds and prickles from my back area … all for the grand cost of $5 dollars and some much needed time on his Nintendo switch #definitelyCEOmaterialinthemaking …. At this point in the week now I have to ask it must be Champagne O’Clock time on this thirsty Thursday …

 

I Only Do Champagne Dates ….

26F6B0BD-97E3-40D6-AA58-0E86D2339AB0

Yes you guessed it Ive jumped off the single train and right into that pool of champagne and dating … and believe me im going to be needing that pool of champagne if the last couple of dates are anything to go by … at this rate being single looks so much nicer …

  1. The Hangover Date – well this lovely gentleman turned up during the week after a big Tuesday night out in which when we met he walked straight pass me not once but twice before I walked up to him and introduced myself … at that stage I could smell the Bundy Rum Factory clearing pouring from his pores #whoneedsaftershave …. So once I got over the initial smell the small talk started with me doing most of the talking as someone was struggling with the noise and the sunshine on that Wednesday morning … once the coffee had been consumed I thought it was best to make my run for it as this was a dying date … so with a polite goodbye I left him sitting there at the coffee shop sunglasses on and with a second coffee in his hand most likely thinking what just happened #happychampagnewednesday
  2. The I’ve Lied Date – Oh my gosh this one was too funny so with his online profile he mentioned that he was taller than me which seriously isn’t hard when im only 165 cm tall and that he had an athletic body which between you and me did intimate me slightly as we all know I am no #victoriasecretmodel …. But I was like ok he looks good online he has some decent photos of himself although im thinking that photo from 2007 shouldn’t really be part of his profile pictures … you know the ones that people post because back then they had all their shit together #HAHAHA ….. so there I was waiting for him to arrive when I see him pull up and get out of his car … and OMG if I could have disappeared like a ghost I would off … the first thing I noticed was that he wasn’t athletic at all and the second thing I was going to be towering over him in my heels #hellodannydevito … #thankgodnessitwasthirstythursday
  3. The inappropriate Date – This was a very weird catchup to start with before the inappropriate questions were asked … so this gentleman turns up 25 mins late without no notice to let me know otherwise and trust me after a glass of champagne I was ready to leave good thing he turned out when he did …. He then proceeds to say sorry and explain that he was just in the middle or sorting out his casting for the next day as he was a part-time actor …. As we both sat in silence he suggested that what he has done on previous dates was the five questions game to help break the ice between us … He ask his first question and then I asked him and this went on until his fourth question in which he asked me when was the last time I had any …. By the look on his face from reaction you could see he wasn’t expecting that response from me and so he laughed it off and said its ok mine was last week #toomuchinformation … and his last question continued the flow of his fourth question at which time I politely removed myself from the catch up and informed him #sorrynotsorry …
  4. The Cant Stop Laughing Date – This gentleman was a hoot and I couldn’t stop laughing at his dating history … he had one story after the other of his dates that just didn’t go to plan and yet here he was informing me and all I could think about was is this going to be me in a years time as I sit down for the 309 date relying back my dating history #helpmeknow …

So as I make a plan for another date later this week I have now decided that all dates are going to be only champagne dates because if the past few I have been on are any indication of what is out there for this 40 something single woman than it has to be  champagne o’clock to get through them ….

Welcome Back Ms M …

IMG_0125

Its 2.30 am on a Sunday morning and after losing my 5 lives on Candy Crush on three different devices because seriously I need to get through level #2843 …. I’m still wide awake so what does one do … Blog of course #seriously …. So it has been a while I know since my last encounter with you all and oh boy a lot has happened …. So get comfortable as I bring you up to speed ….

I have been seeing a lot of Mr Qantas over the last few months and he has been keeping my 2A seat warm for me or was that the previous passenger #oops but on a good note and maybe because I have been over spending quality time in Western Australia I’ve been lucky enough to not have to endure the non-washing business travellers which I am so use to having to share my breathing air with when I head up north in QLD …. #soapisessential

But I do have a funny encounter which I am sure you will all have a giggle about … so recently after spending 4 weeks away for work I was so happy to be heading home to Mr 12 and Miss 10 and it not be a 48 hour stop over only … So I am sitting in the Qantas Club enjoying of course a glass of bubbles when I get informed that my 4 pm on a Friday afternoon flight home has been cancelled …. #areyoushittingme

As I walk up to the counter and I ask what is happening and I get told that if you are from Brisbane then you will be on the next flight so with that I am handed my lovely new boarding pass for now the 7.30 pm flight home …. So with my #goldenticket I head back to my seat and enjoy a few more glasses of bubbles before boarding …. As we are boarding I notice that the gentlemen #notsureaboutthat in 1A was very efficient in using colourful words as people walked pass him to get to their seats on the plane …. I just sat there thinking no way what have I done to deserve this on a Friday night flight home …. This flight should be about more bubbles no interruptions unless you are filling my glass back up again with bubbles … but instead the #dickhead in 1A wants to let us all know in Business class that he is fluent in not only English but Colourful English …. #seriouslysomepeople

So in go my earphones and the volume on my IPad is as far as it can go …. Lucky for us surrounding him he actually falls asleep as we are taking off and doesn’t resurface till we land #thereisagod …. Now this is the funny part the poor gentlemen sitting next to him is travelling Business class for the first time and when we land he mentioned to 1A that he definitely made his first time an experience he won’t forget in which 1A asked what do you mean ? We then inform him of his behaviour and he unfortunately doesn’t remember any of it as he had been drinking since lunch time …. The funny thing was he couldn’t get off that plane quick enough and as we all watched him walk quickly away from us at the airport I couldn’t help but laugh …. #runforrestrun

It amazes me watching some people when they board that plane how they react and what they expect … I really feel like the airlines should put the more experienced flyers at the front of the plane at all times and the go down each row based on your experience …. Now I say this because with each flight over to Perth I seem to have gotten the first timer and even though #yesimwatchingashow they will tap you on the shoulder and ask questions every 15 mins …. I had one first timer ask me do we get feed what is the food like …. #seriously it is food not a 5 star restaurant …. This same first timer then complained when he noticed that I had been given a different meal to everyone around us …. I had to politely inform him that I had previously updated my dietary requirements prior to flying …. #hellonospecialtreatmenthere

Perth was beautiful and I did enjoy the wonderful Hyatt Executive lounge again with my favourite people and no Mr 65 from last year wasn’t there this time around …. But I have been given a new title for work as the #upgradequeen as I seem to be able to get my work people upgraded to the executive level which is to my benefit really because nobody wants to be seen having a glass or two of bubbles on their own …. #whatareyoulookingat

It has been nice to be home with Mr 12 and Miss 10 over the last couple of weeks although I will be leaving them again on Monday to head up North for two weeks of work and the no soap workforce but have promised them when I head back again in June School Holidays that they can come up with me #browniepointsformum ….

As my Sunday starts to rear its head I better put a bottle of bubbles in the fridge to ensure that it will be cold enough for later this afternoon when it is Sunday Funday Champagne O’Clock time ….

Hello Tipsy Tuesday …

IMG_8059

Well hello tipsy Tuesday and hello to back to school for my somewhat hormonal butter definitely melts in their mouth children …. I think that today after school drop off this morning I wasn’t the only parent making my way to the bottle shop at 9 am … #doesnteveryonehavechampagneforbreakfast …

So last term of school and Mr 12 was over the moon to not have to put on a tie this morning while Miss 10 was more obsessed with ensuring her Jojo bow was perfect …. #creatingafashionista … but as I packed the mundane lunches with a very large skim latte (only because 6 am isn’t a good time to open a bottle of champagne unless I’m still drinking from the night before #tooldforthat) I wondered how I survived the last two weeks of school holidays …

So this year was my first time camping with my two on my own #nomotheroftheyearawardshere … this is where I need to insert a small confession that maybe my idea of camping and the average person’s idea of camping might be a slight variation ….. ok ok so maybe I didn’t do it that rough I mean I have to take the bar fridge with me to keep our champagne cold and of course the coffee machine doesn’t everyone #oksoitwasglamping ….

So even though we had electricity and working showers and toilets and a fridge full of beer and champagne that’s as glamourise as it got for my week of school holiday camping … the four digit code to enter the community bathrooms and showers has now been engraved into my brain until I die … #9631 …. all I can say if you wanted to go to the toilet or have a shower in peace it was like I was a Mum of small children all over again … and boy was I happy to have packed my double pluggers aka thongs for those shower cubicles #germcentral #notineahere ….

I learnt earlier on in the week to have an early shower as the hot water and water pressure seems to subside to a trickle after the children of the park having all taken their showers after breakfast … but even trying to catch the early worm I had my beloved Ms 10 knock daily on my shower door asking some sort of question that involved me having to actually provide an answer … I was like seriously you don’t do this when we are at home ….. and the toilets and lack of toilet paper at 5 am in the morning … #seriouslyimawomanineedpaper there was one morning where I had to try three different toilets before the toilet paper god delivered …

Now something that I myself was shocked by during this week is the apparently when you camp you drink beer and not champagne all the time … so you could imagine my horror at knowing that I had to find a low carb beer that was acceptable without being to girlie … thankfully a good friend of mine and experienced beer drinker #over25yearsexperience introduced me to #Bighead a no carb beer that tasted great at lunch time and all the way up to champagne time …

And there was a reason why the parents would have a beer mid afternoon and continue till dark because it seemed the later in the day it got the louder and more energetic the children got …. Aren’t they met to be winding down did I miss that memo …. And it would seem my two usually have a bed time of 8 pm well that went of the window along with any chance that I might have of relaxing and enjoying a glass of champagne ….

But as I now pick up Ms 10 and Mr 12 from their first day back from holidays you can be reassured that this mum will be enjoying a well earned glass of champagne as it is tipsy Tuesday and that means it must be champagne oclock time ….

It Must Be Champagne OClock Time …

IMG_0908

 

So as Sunday afternoon approaches I look back onto my week that was and wow I’ve had some epic mum failures this week and funny enough no Champagne has been consumed maybe that is where I have gone wrong this week … I will say that each week that I don’t have an epic mum failure it surprises me … but let me fill you in on my week …

So I don’t know about you working mums but sometimes I feel guilty to be a working mum and especially a working mum that travels and with that travel I might miss school events and so what I do to not feel as guilty is I will offer to do out of school activities for the children … this week was one of those weeks with an epic fail on my part to begin with … so first of all I had totally forgotten that Mr 12 had his National Competition for School and it wasn’t till Tuesday morning that I realised that I hadn’t organised for him to get home from the competition … like hello he is 12 years old cant he find his own way home apparently not in the big smoke that would require child services to be brought in unlike my time as a 12 year old growing up in the country … #epicfailone

So as I rearranged my whole calendar to fit in with his because doesn’t every parent sacrifice their social life for their child’s … In a giving mood I also offered my driving abilities which as women we know we are so much better drivers then men to other mums that might appreciate not having to do the hour round trip and take away from their well-deserved Champagne O’clock time well this was my second epic fail as a mum this week …

Before I knew it I had gone from picking up my own child to now three and then this grew by Thursday morning to the epic Facebook messenger alerting me at 4.34 pm that afternoon that yet another mum was wondering if I too could pick up her son and bring him home that night … of course I’m going to say yes when secretly I was like are you f**king kidding me if you are all at home drinking tonight when I drop your sons home shit is going to hit the fan #epicfailytwo

So as I dropped off the last boy to his eagerly awaiting mum I asked Miss 9 if she had had dinner as she was with a friend and at 7.30 pm she informs me no so guess what Macdonald’s drive thru and 24 chicken nuggets later and a bottle of Church Block for me and we are home but there is my #epicfailthree

Now let fast forward to yesterday the day that Miss 9 had her birthday slumber party as we are setting up I realise a few things … I haven’t organised a birthday cake and I have no major present for her because I’ve been away for work over the last month and even though I want her father to step up to the plate that isn’t going to happen as let’s face it when was the last time a male was organised enough to organise a child’s birthday or birthday party … so as I place that call early on Saturday morning to her father I am met with the usual what do you mean aren’t you organising everything don’t I just need to show up … #killmeknow …. #epicfailfour

Then Miss 9 informs me that we need to go shopping for an outfit for her for the party and that we need Zara or Witchery #WTF #whathaveicreated #epicfailfive … so as we make our way to Chermside Miss 9 has her list that we need to have done and dusted in Olympic time of 30 mins and I already know that I’m going to be one of those pushy mums that yells at her and tells her to just find an outfit …

So 45 mins later we are on our way out of Chermside with Miss 9 nearly in tears because I made her run from one end of Chermside to the other and can I be honest it is 11.05 am and I was thinking shit Uncle Dan has Veuve in the fridge already cold I could just ask for a straw from the sushi place and my Saturday could all of a sudden be perfect again … but no we head home and start the prep for her party …

It is now 2.30 and I have all of Miss 9 friends piled into the car and Mr 12 in front with me as we make our way to Bounce which is really an expensive name for a trampoline place in which I have just paid $17 each child to jump on a trampoline for an hour only like seriously who comes up with these ideas … so as we make our way into the arena it is brought to my attention that my last epic fail of the week has just occurred … it would seem until you were under the age of 7 you were only a cool kid if you wore your sports shoes because guess what we can do the junior Park without them … hello sorry I didn’t read the small print … so now I have Mr 12 who is a size 8 in men’s shoes sharing his shoes with the Miss 9 and her friends #epicfailsix

So as this Sunday afternoon comes to an end I’ve realised that this week that I’ve consumed Beer (thanks to a great long term friend), Red Wine which is a given with another great friend who has also brought Rum into my life that maybe just maybe throughout the week if it had been Champagne o’clock then my epic fails as a mum would never have happened ….. But you know what it is champagne o’clock now ….

 

Living the Lounge Life …

68671CC1-39A5-421F-BB51-BF9398023C78

There is nothing more that I like to do then to drink some champagne and people watch am I not alone here …. You get to put your imagination into over drive and let it run wild about the people that are surrounding you … but imagine if you had the ability to do this with unlimited free flowing champagne for two hours each night and the people watching involved some very interesting people … well that has been me for the last two weeks as I have taken up residents at the Hyatt Club Lounge … ensuring each night when I am visiting that I find that table that is meant for a big group but because I want prime position for people watching I take it instead … I’m such a rebel lol … and like clock works the server will come over to me and ask me my room number and what I would like to drink as the flow of tonight’s guest make their way to the club lounge …

Well aren’t there some interesting characters tonight …. Let’s start with the young couple who obviously have never experienced a club lounge before and are knocking back the Crown Lagers (only because they didn’t have VB) and Rum and Coke like they are first year university students on cheap Thursday night drinks …. And there lack of knowledge is more obvious when I see them up at the canapes and Mr is asking where the real food is …. This is where my eye roiling is in fine form and I feel like saying to him obviously the Chinese Restaurant buffet banquet that he is used to for $10.99 isn’t on display tonight sorry mate you’ll have to just suck it up princess and enjoy the smoked salmon and dill sliders … thankfully due to the lack of real food they leave I was waiting for him to ask if he could have a roadie …..

Around the corner I can hear four very loud and what seems to be American Tourist who by the sounds of it have been drinking for the afternoon and are continuing their party in the club lounge … good thing I didn’t come here to have a massage with the noise that is coming from their neck of the lounge …. And as they are sweet talking the servers to ensure that their glasses are always full I now get to hear snippets of their conversations which is always amusing especially around intoxicated people … so as I get my glass refilled I do the most stupid thing and instead of having my resting bitch face on which by the way is the perfect face to have on in the club lounge because it means people won’t bother you and you look like you definitely belong in the club lounge …. But no I let down my guard and I smile politely to the elderly gentlemen as come on my mum did teach me to respect my elders but in this case this was my number one mistake in regards to this gentlemen …. Who took my politeness as an intend that I was possibly interested in him and with that I got the following response from him ….

“So how you doing” as he winks at me and smirks and nods his head at me …. Seriously did that elderly gentlemen just do that to me sorry last time I looked I could possibly be half his age and I’m no Ana Nicole Smith so he has got zero option with me …. Maybe I was just dreaming it all but no give him five minutes later and he is back this time with his wife and we are having a conversation in which I’m asked if I know what a F&&K Buddy is and did I want one …. No I’m fine thank you you and your wife can take your magic blue pill and please leave me alone …. And at the right cue my glass of champagne is refilled and I can try and drink away the memories of that conversation …

With this all going on I also do note that the service seems to be very slow tonight as I’m having to actually motion that I need my glass to be refilled whereas previous nights they know the drill by my server and let’s be honest my Server isn’t a super model but she obviously thinks that she is god’s gift to men as I start to notice that she is paying more attention to the men in the lounge maybe I should set her up with my elderly suitor …. And so as she starts to linger around the tables with men with her flash of her toothy smile I realise that my champagne supply is drying up along with my desire to not be sitting here and watching this poor server embarrasses herself more then she already has and so with that I make my way down to the reception and ensure that Miss Server’s attention to refilling my champagne glass and not the opposite sex is clearly recorded because guess what b&tch if you mess with my champagne supply what else do you expect especially when it is Champagne OClock time ….