Author: champagneoclockblog

Hello Tipsy Tuesday …

IMG_8059

Well hello tipsy Tuesday and hello to back to school for my somewhat hormonal butter definitely melts in their mouth children …. I think that today after school drop off this morning I wasn’t the only parent making my way to the bottle shop at 9 am … #doesnteveryonehavechampagneforbreakfast …

So last term of school and Mr 12 was over the moon to not have to put on a tie this morning while Miss 10 was more obsessed with ensuring her Jojo bow was perfect …. #creatingafashionista … but as I packed the mundane lunches with a very large skim latte (only because 6 am isn’t a good time to open a bottle of champagne unless I’m still drinking from the night before #tooldforthat) I wondered how I survived the last two weeks of school holidays …

So this year was my first time camping with my two on my own #nomotheroftheyearawardshere … this is where I need to insert a small confession that maybe my idea of camping and the average person’s idea of camping might be a slight variation ….. ok ok so maybe I didn’t do it that rough I mean I have to take the bar fridge with me to keep our champagne cold and of course the coffee machine doesn’t everyone #oksoitwasglamping ….

So even though we had electricity and working showers and toilets and a fridge full of beer and champagne that’s as glamourise as it got for my week of school holiday camping … the four digit code to enter the community bathrooms and showers has now been engraved into my brain until I die … #9631 …. all I can say if you wanted to go to the toilet or have a shower in peace it was like I was a Mum of small children all over again … and boy was I happy to have packed my double pluggers aka thongs for those shower cubicles #germcentral #notineahere ….

I learnt earlier on in the week to have an early shower as the hot water and water pressure seems to subside to a trickle after the children of the park having all taken their showers after breakfast … but even trying to catch the early worm I had my beloved Ms 10 knock daily on my shower door asking some sort of question that involved me having to actually provide an answer … I was like seriously you don’t do this when we are at home ….. and the toilets and lack of toilet paper at 5 am in the morning … #seriouslyimawomanineedpaper there was one morning where I had to try three different toilets before the toilet paper god delivered …

Now something that I myself was shocked by during this week is the apparently when you camp you drink beer and not champagne all the time … so you could imagine my horror at knowing that I had to find a low carb beer that was acceptable without being to girlie … thankfully a good friend of mine and experienced beer drinker #over25yearsexperience introduced me to #Bighead a no carb beer that tasted great at lunch time and all the way up to champagne time …

And there was a reason why the parents would have a beer mid afternoon and continue till dark because it seemed the later in the day it got the louder and more energetic the children got …. Aren’t they met to be winding down did I miss that memo …. And it would seem my two usually have a bed time of 8 pm well that went of the window along with any chance that I might have of relaxing and enjoying a glass of champagne ….

But as I now pick up Ms 10 and Mr 12 from their first day back from holidays you can be reassured that this mum will be enjoying a well earned glass of champagne as it is tipsy Tuesday and that means it must be champagne oclock time ….

It Must Be Champagne OClock Time …

IMG_0908

 

So as Sunday afternoon approaches I look back onto my week that was and wow I’ve had some epic mum failures this week and funny enough no Champagne has been consumed maybe that is where I have gone wrong this week … I will say that each week that I don’t have an epic mum failure it surprises me … but let me fill you in on my week …

So I don’t know about you working mums but sometimes I feel guilty to be a working mum and especially a working mum that travels and with that travel I might miss school events and so what I do to not feel as guilty is I will offer to do out of school activities for the children … this week was one of those weeks with an epic fail on my part to begin with … so first of all I had totally forgotten that Mr 12 had his National Competition for School and it wasn’t till Tuesday morning that I realised that I hadn’t organised for him to get home from the competition … like hello he is 12 years old cant he find his own way home apparently not in the big smoke that would require child services to be brought in unlike my time as a 12 year old growing up in the country … #epicfailone

So as I rearranged my whole calendar to fit in with his because doesn’t every parent sacrifice their social life for their child’s … In a giving mood I also offered my driving abilities which as women we know we are so much better drivers then men to other mums that might appreciate not having to do the hour round trip and take away from their well-deserved Champagne O’clock time well this was my second epic fail as a mum this week …

Before I knew it I had gone from picking up my own child to now three and then this grew by Thursday morning to the epic Facebook messenger alerting me at 4.34 pm that afternoon that yet another mum was wondering if I too could pick up her son and bring him home that night … of course I’m going to say yes when secretly I was like are you f**king kidding me if you are all at home drinking tonight when I drop your sons home shit is going to hit the fan #epicfailytwo

So as I dropped off the last boy to his eagerly awaiting mum I asked Miss 9 if she had had dinner as she was with a friend and at 7.30 pm she informs me no so guess what Macdonald’s drive thru and 24 chicken nuggets later and a bottle of Church Block for me and we are home but there is my #epicfailthree

Now let fast forward to yesterday the day that Miss 9 had her birthday slumber party as we are setting up I realise a few things … I haven’t organised a birthday cake and I have no major present for her because I’ve been away for work over the last month and even though I want her father to step up to the plate that isn’t going to happen as let’s face it when was the last time a male was organised enough to organise a child’s birthday or birthday party … so as I place that call early on Saturday morning to her father I am met with the usual what do you mean aren’t you organising everything don’t I just need to show up … #killmeknow …. #epicfailfour

Then Miss 9 informs me that we need to go shopping for an outfit for her for the party and that we need Zara or Witchery #WTF #whathaveicreated #epicfailfive … so as we make our way to Chermside Miss 9 has her list that we need to have done and dusted in Olympic time of 30 mins and I already know that I’m going to be one of those pushy mums that yells at her and tells her to just find an outfit …

So 45 mins later we are on our way out of Chermside with Miss 9 nearly in tears because I made her run from one end of Chermside to the other and can I be honest it is 11.05 am and I was thinking shit Uncle Dan has Veuve in the fridge already cold I could just ask for a straw from the sushi place and my Saturday could all of a sudden be perfect again … but no we head home and start the prep for her party …

It is now 2.30 and I have all of Miss 9 friends piled into the car and Mr 12 in front with me as we make our way to Bounce which is really an expensive name for a trampoline place in which I have just paid $17 each child to jump on a trampoline for an hour only like seriously who comes up with these ideas … so as we make our way into the arena it is brought to my attention that my last epic fail of the week has just occurred … it would seem until you were under the age of 7 you were only a cool kid if you wore your sports shoes because guess what we can do the junior Park without them … hello sorry I didn’t read the small print … so now I have Mr 12 who is a size 8 in men’s shoes sharing his shoes with the Miss 9 and her friends #epicfailsix

So as this Sunday afternoon comes to an end I’ve realised that this week that I’ve consumed Beer (thanks to a great long term friend), Red Wine which is a given with another great friend who has also brought Rum into my life that maybe just maybe throughout the week if it had been Champagne o’clock then my epic fails as a mum would never have happened ….. But you know what it is champagne o’clock now ….

 

Living the Lounge Life …

68671CC1-39A5-421F-BB51-BF9398023C78

There is nothing more that I like to do then to drink some champagne and people watch am I not alone here …. You get to put your imagination into over drive and let it run wild about the people that are surrounding you … but imagine if you had the ability to do this with unlimited free flowing champagne for two hours each night and the people watching involved some very interesting people … well that has been me for the last two weeks as I have taken up residents at the Hyatt Club Lounge … ensuring each night when I am visiting that I find that table that is meant for a big group but because I want prime position for people watching I take it instead … I’m such a rebel lol … and like clock works the server will come over to me and ask me my room number and what I would like to drink as the flow of tonight’s guest make their way to the club lounge …

Well aren’t there some interesting characters tonight …. Let’s start with the young couple who obviously have never experienced a club lounge before and are knocking back the Crown Lagers (only because they didn’t have VB) and Rum and Coke like they are first year university students on cheap Thursday night drinks …. And there lack of knowledge is more obvious when I see them up at the canapes and Mr is asking where the real food is …. This is where my eye roiling is in fine form and I feel like saying to him obviously the Chinese Restaurant buffet banquet that he is used to for $10.99 isn’t on display tonight sorry mate you’ll have to just suck it up princess and enjoy the smoked salmon and dill sliders … thankfully due to the lack of real food they leave I was waiting for him to ask if he could have a roadie …..

Around the corner I can hear four very loud and what seems to be American Tourist who by the sounds of it have been drinking for the afternoon and are continuing their party in the club lounge … good thing I didn’t come here to have a massage with the noise that is coming from their neck of the lounge …. And as they are sweet talking the servers to ensure that their glasses are always full I now get to hear snippets of their conversations which is always amusing especially around intoxicated people … so as I get my glass refilled I do the most stupid thing and instead of having my resting bitch face on which by the way is the perfect face to have on in the club lounge because it means people won’t bother you and you look like you definitely belong in the club lounge …. But no I let down my guard and I smile politely to the elderly gentlemen as come on my mum did teach me to respect my elders but in this case this was my number one mistake in regards to this gentlemen …. Who took my politeness as an intend that I was possibly interested in him and with that I got the following response from him ….

“So how you doing” as he winks at me and smirks and nods his head at me …. Seriously did that elderly gentlemen just do that to me sorry last time I looked I could possibly be half his age and I’m no Ana Nicole Smith so he has got zero option with me …. Maybe I was just dreaming it all but no give him five minutes later and he is back this time with his wife and we are having a conversation in which I’m asked if I know what a F&&K Buddy is and did I want one …. No I’m fine thank you you and your wife can take your magic blue pill and please leave me alone …. And at the right cue my glass of champagne is refilled and I can try and drink away the memories of that conversation …

With this all going on I also do note that the service seems to be very slow tonight as I’m having to actually motion that I need my glass to be refilled whereas previous nights they know the drill by my server and let’s be honest my Server isn’t a super model but she obviously thinks that she is god’s gift to men as I start to notice that she is paying more attention to the men in the lounge maybe I should set her up with my elderly suitor …. And so as she starts to linger around the tables with men with her flash of her toothy smile I realise that my champagne supply is drying up along with my desire to not be sitting here and watching this poor server embarrasses herself more then she already has and so with that I make my way down to the reception and ensure that Miss Server’s attention to refilling my champagne glass and not the opposite sex is clearly recorded because guess what b&tch if you mess with my champagne supply what else do you expect especially when it is Champagne OClock time ….

 

Seriously Its Friday ….

IMG_0091.JPG

So after a lack of the sandman visiting me last night and living on four hours sleep I was greeted by the lovely premium boarding gate and the not so enthusiastic gate keeper who by the way thought her face at 5 am was a colouring in book not her actually face and who if you ask me looked like she had more important things to do then to check my boarding pass at 5 am in the morning … what sorry did you take you away from the student night $1 drinks that is Thursday nights in Brisvegas or maybe that was your look from last night …

As I collect my bag which thankfully hasn’t been searched for the ten time and head towards the golden arches ok maybe not the golden arches but the escalator to the coffee god that is the same isnt it ? … but like usual as I think I’m going to make a clear run pass security I get asked to make my way over here please mam … sorry last time I looked I worked in IT not a brothel and I wonder if anyone has ever said no to them … I think that I seriously get asked all the time to get searched because I think that in my sleep I’ve had like this invisible tattoo placed on my face that says potential drug mule …

So I make my way to the Coffee God and what would you know I greeted by dumb and dumber who can’t work out if I ordered a skim latte or a flat white as they were too busy trying to chat up the two 20 something business men behind me … I want to tell them that they are wasting their times as they are gay and yet I think no lets let them think that maybe they have a chance I mean it is Friday … in the end I end up with a skim flat white with two sugars maybe they thought that I needed to be sweetened up …. I didn’t have the nerve to say to them hello can’t you already see that I’m sweet enough lol …

Boarding time and like usual I have my 4A seat which is the window seat that I love I have the leg room not that I need it but hey just because im a short arse doesn’t mean I cant utilise it and hopefully not with anyone between me and 4C … shit WTF Qantas have you done I have some smelly miner in 4B my Friday has just gone from acceptable to no way this can’t be happening to me is it all a bad dream … and guess what as I make my way to my window seat he wants to talk are you f**king serious doesn’t he understand the etiquette of row 4 and 5 … you might have been lucky buster getting this seat but trust me I won’t be making conversation with someone that doesn’t realise that no you can’t get more than two days out of the same clothes before needing to wash them in washing powder …

So as I take my seat I pretend that I can’t speak English and I reach for my headphones and continue to ignore you because seriously I would love to roll my eyes just now in front of you but I was concerned that you wouldn’t be smart enough to understand what I have just done to you and therefore I’m not wasting any eye rolling on you …

Now as the plane starts to take off I start to have a little smirk on my face as I realise your knuckles are turning white and your new to flying and that you might be spending next two hours in the bathroom and not next to me and I think God otherwise I would be asking the air hostess for some sparkling wine as it has to be time for Champagne O’clock  …